A plant is growing inside me.

Hi all, Being the first time we meet, I will try to contain myself and not scare you off. However yes, as you’ve read from the title, this story is about me believing a plant was growing inside me. If you do not consider this weird enough let me just anticipate that I have used this belief also to hit on girls and let me assure that asking them to check out your plant is not the best way to hook up…especially when you’re both 7 and their mother is standing beside her. This story begins in a very simple way. When I was seven years old I started to grow a passion for eating fruit seeds. The fact that I could die suffocating (at least so I believed) if it blocked in my trachea made the entire challenge more and more thrilling as it was some kind of game between life and death. One day I was proceeding in such breathtaking action when suddenly my mother growled out of nowhere. She told me that I must not eat the seeds and in order to ensure that I would respect such order she invented one of her oddly terrifying stories. (She did this a lot, you’ll here more about that in the future) She told me that if I ate a seed, a plant would start growing inside me, starting from the depths of my stomach (saying it started from buttocks would have been quite disturbing) and finishing through my mouth (as seen in the drawing above [I am so good at drawing {and using brackets}]). This brought me to consider the fable: Jack and the beanstalk and of the plant which grew from the magic beans and obviously. being a kid, I applied it to the freakish my mother had just told me. The magic plant which would have grown from inside me, would have obviously reached the terrible giant living in the clouds above (As I am writing this, I realize how weird it sounds, so please bare with me and don’t run away). As in Jack and the beanstalk, the giant would have started climbing down the plant… And down into my mouth… Already at the time I was growing a striving passion for diets and healthy eating for I realized quite quickly that with a giant in my stomach, I would have become fat, I mean very fat. (Such a genius) Until I would have exploded like a time bomb (this is so incredibly realistic, its crazy) On the plus side, I began to use this “plant inside me” to hit on girls. “Wanna see ma plant” was my hit line, you gotta admit its quite innovative. However, it never worked mainly because the mother of dem girls hearing a 7 year old boy say this went crazy and intervened in fury, believing I was about to show off my tool.

So yes, thank you mum for terrifying me but also thank you for the hit line, without those mothers I would have been a top player.